Kitty Cat Elegy

And Why You Should Read J.D. Vance's Book

This past week was the 80th anniversary of my uncle’s death in World War II - I did not want to let that go by unmentioned. If you have an interest in memoirs and war history, please consider picking up a copy of the book of his war letters and poems. In my view, the paperback version is better - a few things were corrected and updated with the help of historian Jack Granatstein, who provided a blurb on the back cover.

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And now, away from noble young men of the past and back to the fresh hell that masquerades as 2024. I have received many messages saying, “hey Rondi, don’t you want to talk about cat ladies?” And also, “Aren’t you ticked off at J.D. Vance’s comment about childless cat ladies?” And variations thereof. Short answers - no and no. Still, I am a cat lady, though currently a cat-less one, spouse and I being inclined to travel. I certainly have, over the years, been on the receiving end of many the cheap shot about my cat-lady status. (I have also been on the receiving end of many cat-themed gifts. Please stop, friends and family, though your intentions be good. I don’t need another cutesy hoodie, coffee mug or book of cat-themed affirmations.) A long time ago, when saber-toothed tigers sought out early female human company, I was a token conservative contributor to a left-leaning Canadian newspaper (but I repeat myself). Sometimes, readers got angry at some of the things I wrote and would send me sane, reasoned messages explaining their point of view. Nah, just kidding! More like, after sending nasty personal messages, they would trash me on the internets by comparing me to the crazy, wrinkled old cat lady on The Simpsons. What they did not realize was that I took that as a compliment.

When it comes to cat ladies and childless ladies, the nastiness and judgy-ness (not a word, but I’m trying to make it happen) can come from across the ideological spectrum and from both men and women. It is lazy to blame sexism or one political persuasion. I think it represents evolutionary biology, in part - those voices that tell us to nest and procreate and imitate our forebears, even the lunatic ones - and also the need we have to believe our own choices are superior to those of others. This is particularly the case when one is unhappy. Nothing is more satisfying, as you look at what you have wrought, than to assume your neighbour has wrought something more horrifying. Folks can be awfully rigid. I have had conversations with women (not conservatives) who tell me that not having children is selfish or not normal. (Really, is either of those traits unique to the childless?) So as much as Vance has been portrayed as a caveman, he is not alone in his opinion.

I believe he was trying to bring up an important issue - birth rates, demographics, the coming apart of the family - but he did it stupidly, insensitively and with an insanely broad brush. (Also, he said it to Tucker Carlson, which makes it a million times worse.) First of all, cat ladies are great - Anna Magnani, me, the Bronte sisters, Vivien Leigh, Colette, Harriet Beecher Stowe, numerous noble ancient Egyptians. Second, there are many reasons women don’t have children - personal choice, ambivalence, fertility issues, difficulty finding someone with whom to reproduce. It is a tale as old as time, sometimes a painful one and part of our lore. The Old and New Testaments are full of stories of barren women, some of whom have children at a ripe old age - John the Baptist’s mother, Elizabeth, and Isaac’s mum, Sarah.

And yet, birth rates are important. Spend some time in Western Europe if you have any doubt about that. We know that the richer countries get, the fewer babies women have, regardless of support and goodies and incentives from the state. It is about culture, more than anything. Which brings me to Vance’s book, Hillbilly Elegy. I read it a few years back and re-read it last week. It is compelling and touching. It has humour and empathy, things we don’t see in Vance when he is interviewed. It is about family dysfunction and addictions and instability in childhood but also about economics, the choices we make, forgiving difficult parents and the importance of having at least one North Star in your life. It is also about poverty and what is interesting is that he more or less writes what my economist spouse says: poverty is not simply about money. It is about culture, long-term thinking, choices, and yes, random good or bad luck. Things happen that are unfair, but you can make a change, as Vance did in his own life. Now, as a politician, he is saying the opposite - he fixates on tariffs and trade deals and outside bad actors. In other words, as a politician he is saying the opposite of something he said or wrote a while back. A politician repackaging himself? Quelle surprise.

They all do it, of course, and they are also all whole people. In reading Hillbilly Elegy, I saw a human being and not a media label. Not a “weird” guy. Just a guy. Case in point: I read this book a couple of years ago and learned, among other things, that Charles de Gaulle was an adoring and gentle father with his mentally-challenged daughter. Such a contrast to the public belligerence and pride. A side that few saw, but so very real. And before I lapse into total sappiness, let’s get back to cats.

[Montmartre Cemetery, Paris. Kitty in repose on someone’s place of final repose. Photo: Rondi Adamson, 2018]