A Lack of Charity
Or, the Unbearable Tactlessness of Curiosity
King Charles III wants to modernize the monarchy. And I don’t think he’s wrong to want that or to do so, provided he continues to emulate his mother’s example of service and duty. There are good ways to modernize such an institution and he has taken some positive steps: banning foie gras from royal residences; a less elaborate coronation; a smaller group of working royals. But with the news of the firing of an 83-year-old woman from Buckingham Palace, all because she was insufficiently woke, I fear he is confusing “modernize” with “making hasty decisions based on immediate reports.” To be fair, though, I think it is natural and easy to mix up those two. They are so alike.
It goes like this: Lady Susan Hussey - former lady-in-waiting to Queen Elizabeth and aide to King Charles - was at a charity event at Buckingham Palace, and began a conversation with Ngozi Fulani, the head of Sistah Space, a group that supports British women of African and Caribbean heritage who have faced domestic violence and sexual assault. A good cause, yes? Yes. Hussey apparently moved Fulani’s hair aside to see her nametag and then asked where she was from. When Fulani replied “Hackney,” Hussey persisted, asking where her “people” were from, what part of Africa, and so forth. You can read the whole exchange, as recalled by Fulani, here. She tweeted about it, saying she had no desire to vilify anyone, yet did exactly that by including Hussey’s initials and running the media gamut to discuss the incident. Hussey was swiftly shamed as a racist. She “resigned” her post.
The BBC and our CBC have - of course - made it headline news, with a recent BBC panel discussion (that I had the great misfortune of watching) featuring a host and two guests who all agree that Hussey is a dreadful human.
[Fulani - in the middle- with friends at the event in question. Credit: Twitter feed of Sistah Space.]
There is no question the situation comes across as, well, icky, uncomfortable. And touching someone’s hair (or anything)? Not good. But does it equal racism? Would Hussey be like that with anyone? My guess is that she would be. Reading the conversation, I see the following: tactlessness, an inability to read one’s interlocutor’s growing irritation, cringeworthy phrasing and a use of language and familiarity that I remember seeing in my own parents and grandparents, more pronounced as they aged. Above all, I see someone who has no idea that showing curiosity about someone’s background - however ham-handedly - will make her the latest victim of the mob. (A column here, from a friend of Hussey’s, is worth a read.) For I think that is all Hussey was doing - showing curiosity, trying to find out when Fulani’s family had moved to the UK. When Fulani mentioned the 1950s, Hussey seemed delighted that she had gotten her answer. If you consider that the description of Fulani’s charity includes a reference to women of African and Caribbean heritage, and note how she dressed for the event - beautifully, but with a clear nod to her background - is it entirely unreasonable, or bigoted, to ask questions about those very things?
I understand the inquisitiveness. I have two jobs, both at which I have a diverse (in every sense - age, background, religion, ethnicity) group of colleagues. I love hearing their stories. I live in a city that boasts its status as multicultural at every turn. And why not? It’s a good thing but it stops being good when we are afraid to ask about it, to learn what brings immigrants to Canada. I have yet to encounter anyone who is offended if I ask when they - or their forebears - came here or why they chose this country. Most of them are happy to chat. I would never ask about someone’s “people,” but my partner - who comes from southern Italy - has been asked about his. He told me he found the question odd, but chose not to ascribe a nefarious motive to the person asking. He is a charitable sort. We need more of those.
I get asked about my “heritage” and “nationality” not infrequently. It might be because I am pale - “translucent,” says my partner - and unless I tint them or apply makeup, my eyebrows and lashes are so blond as to be invisible. I have had people I barely know touch my skin and utter, “Wow, you are SO fair.” This is usually followed by, “Where are you from, Rondi?” When I say, “Ottawa,” I’ll get some variation on, “No, but where are you from, from?”
Of course, I am not Fulani - I don’t know her experiences and it is highly likely she has heard some cruel and mean-spirited comments in her time. I just don’t believe that Hussey was being cruel or mean-spirited.
Canadians will remember what happened to Don Cherry, another octogenarian, when he expressed himself with a lack of finesse shortly before Remembrance Day, 2019. Like Hussey, he showed a lack of emotional intelligence. But the message under the bluster - that we should all wear poppies and honour our veterans and war dead - is admirable. What was not admirable, rather entirely predictable, was the subsequent cancellation of Cherry, and his being thrown under the bus by his colleagues. As with Hussey, this came after decades of work/service. When we react like this we lose - please forgive me for using this smarmy expression - teachable moments.
Prince William has long been one of my favourite royals and I was sad to see him join the chorus. I hope he and his father have seen The Queen and remember the words of warning from the fictional version of their mother and grandmother about exactly such situations. Talking with then Prime Minister Blair about the British public turning on her after the death of Princess Diana, she warns him that he could meet the same fate, “quite suddenly and without warning.” I do not wish this for our King or for Prince William, but I think they would do well to imagine how Her Majesty would have handled this situation. Her brilliant “recollections may vary” following Meghan Markle’s Oprah interview/whine-athon gives a hint. She would have carried on with dignity, and there surely would have been no sacking.
Speaking of Markle, I can’t help but think that one of the worst things - one of those painful unintended consequences - to come out of this sorry affair will be her using it to shore up her claims of eternal victimhood.
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A bit of a coda or P.S. here: Andrew Sullivan, of the fab Weekly Dish, has a piece this week that is not unrelated to this topic. And he references a Larkin poem! My regular readers will know how happy this makes me.